Staying Positive

One of my new year resolutions for this year was to be positive, my previous was post was far from that. How can I be positive if I am not willing to acknowledge all the positives that are around me.  I have decided to put some points together, so that next time I need a little perspective I can refer to these. 

The Maid : I am giving less credit to the domestic help. It actually helps that I have someone to do ALL the chores around the house, not just the sweeping, mopping. Laundry, folding clothes, cleaning the kitchen, the fridge, etc. She is there to cook, take care of Nikhil, entertain him, play with him, take him out to the park... It made my life so much easier when I was on bed rest for three months. I don't know how I would've gone through that without that support at home.

The Driver : Makes our lives so much easier, Vicky hates to drive and I don't want to drive in India because all I would be doing is swearing and showing my fingers to every one on the road. More than anything its the fact that in the past two years we have never had to drive around looking for a parking spot. He carries all the heavy load back home after grocery shopping. He also doubles up as Nikhil's baby sitter, for example, I am going to the bank and its going to take me fifteen minutes and I don't want to tag Nikhil around... my driver would happily baby sit him. 

The Parents : Okay, so in my last post I complained how I am living so far away from family. What I didnt acknowledge was the fact that its still easier for in laws or parents to travel and reach Delhi. Four hours is always better than eighteen long hours and the jet lag. There's not been an occasion when I have needed my parents or in laws and they have not been able to make it. I should be thankful for that. Agreed its not as comfortable as having them living somewhere with in an hours drive...  

The Extended Family : We have an uncle of mine living in Delhi and a cousin of mine living five minutes away. It feels wonderful to hang out with them. We have spent all major festivals at my uncles place and the gathering and celebrations are always so much fun. Festivals, birthdays, dinners, just chilling at home, its all cool. When Vicky sometimes have to travel, I crash in at one of their places. My uncle has two lovely boys and Nikhil has a ball playing with them. My cousin has a dog and Nikhil is so attached to that fellow. Honestly, there's really no feeling of loneliness. 

The Neighbors : I guess I am lucky that I have made wonderful friends with the neighbors here. There are many families with kids in the similar age group. Again,  I thank my stars that I have very very helpful neighbors. They always watch out for you. When our next door neighbor has not seen me on the balcony or outside for couple of days I can expect her at my door or a call from her to make sure everything is all right. There's someone to check on me.

The Community : Our community has couple of grocery stores, a pharmacy, a tailor (who also does drycleaning), and a beauty parlour (very shady but good enough for quick threading), there are two general physicians in case of emergencies...   
   
Last but the most important point, Nikhil loves it here... I cannot just emphasize the word love enough. He is exposed to a plethora of people from all walks of life. He loves it when the door bell rings. He loves to guess who it would be, the dhobi , the trash guy, the milk fellow, the delivery boy from the grocery store, the maid, the gardner...  During summers he loves standing on the balcony and just observing the road - the trucks, the diggers, cars, autos, cycles, motor bikes...or just kids playing the park. He loves it when he spends time with his grandparents, his cousins, so far we have attended so many weddings and many more family functions.. he loves all the attention that he gets.  He is always surrounded by people - family or friends or even others.

Every place has its own benefits and disadvantages. It's high time I focused on the good things and stopped dwelling on the negatives.   

Breaking the silence

It wasn't a blogger's block, it wasn't that I had nothing to write about. In fact it was just the opposite there were way too many things going on that I couldn't begin to get any coherent thoughts on what to write. If I had written anything down between March 2011 and now it would've just been rants. I thought its better not to do that to my blog and the handful of readers (you know who you are) that keep checking for my updates. I have given myself enough time and I think I should put down what has happened over the past couple of years.

In my last post, I was looking forward to begin our life in Gurgaon. Its an understatement to describe the settling down process as painful. I found it so difficult to set up a household in India, so the initial stages of moving to a new city was extremely frustrating. Its my country and I felt that I should be knowing how to deal with the system, but apparently not, mainly because there is no system. The one thing that happened relatively quick was we found a decent apartment community to stay - so far that's the only positive that I can list about Gurgaon. Then it was shopping for all household appliances, furniture, car, etc. One thing I learned is that nothing was done in the first go. Let me give you an example:

1. You have a leaky pipe,
2. You call a plumber.
3. He'll just come by at first to check and assess the problem.
4. Then he goes to get some tools to investigate further
5. Then he comes by with the tools, invariably the most necessary tool is not with him, then goes to get that, after investigates the problem he tells you that you need to buy some parts and volunteers very nicely to get it for you.
6. Then he comes and fixes it.
7. A month later you have a leaky pipe again.

This is not as easy as a seven step process... there's the wait. Every person says he will be at your door in half an hour but its actually 24 to 48 hours after incessant calling and following up. Also, I fail to understand why the plumber cannot bring all his tools in the first go? I mean that's cutting down two steps and saving both him and me a lot of time. People derive pleasure in delaying work.

The other biggest myth is the "household help" that you get in India. You need help because you cannot live without it. If you leave your house without sweeping or mopping for one day the furntiure would collect dust, the floors get sticky and dirty, the house would start looking haunted. So household help is not a luxury but a necessity. Now, managing the help is a completely different ball game.

Basically, I feel that respect for work is lacking big time. People are always trying to do something else or make more money through other means that they focused less on the job at hand. No one gives even 80% dedication to what they do.

Another major draw back that I am facing living in Gurgaon is that we are so far away from family. One of the main reasons we moved to India was to be closer to family, but now I find that to get my parents or in-laws to come here is such an exhaustive task. Its expensive, its a long journey and we always think twice before having to go "all the way" to the south.

Overall, I have been very very pissed off for the past few years. I was the one who was gung-ho about moving to India, I had very high expectations... now I regret it terribly. Sometimes I wonder if it is a severe case of grass is greener on the other side or may be I just am focusing on the negatives a lot. What ever it may be I haven't been feeling happy and settled!