Phuket Diary - Sabai Sabai

Seven long years ago, we vacationed in Barbados; that was by far one of the BEST vacations of my life. The time we spent with our friends, all the laughter, so many fond memories... I dont know if it was the Island air or the "no problem" attitude of people or all the rum punch I had  .. but I just fell in love with the place. I wondered then how it would be to live in a place that people vacationed.. now seven years later here I am.. in Phuket! (I strongly believe that God was sick of hearing my complaints about Gurgaon that he sent us here to shut me up)

Come to think of it, given the cribber (if that is a word) I am, I should be complaining about the little or lack of help I have here, I should be ranting about Vs work hours, I should be frustrated that I dont know the language and how difficult it is to communicate and get your point across... I mean I could just find something in a second to piss me off... ( I sound so nasty)... but, BUT... what can I say, I love it here! The place, people, food... Its a very relaxing feeling.

No wonder Thailand is called Land of Smiles, people are always smiling... and it kind of rubs off on you I guess.. Always, like always they have a smile (at least most of them, exceptions always exist anywhere and I can live with that). So it doesnt bother me much that I am always using sign language and my sentences sound very practical... "You no come tomorrow" "I no want" "this... what?"... (all the while signing with my hands)

The help I have here is a nanny, shes with us for four hours on weekdays. Those four hours that I deposit K(arthik) in her hands is a huge help for me. I don't mind sweeping, mopping, making bed, cooking, cleaning loos... In fact I like the fact that the chores are done in my order, to my liking.. (yeah yeah call me a control freak)... if something is not done around the house, its because I chose not to (or I didn't get to it)...

Lastly, I know that if I have a bad day all I need is a drive to the pier... or one of the many small non touristy and lonely beaches, where its just you and water and the view, to lift your mood instantly... (affordable wine also is a big help... just saying)

So, its been very "sabai sabai" like the Thais say (All good, chilled out, awesome state of mind)

Trying to pick up the slack

Way too many things have happened last year....and I have realized that these days my memory is certainly not on my side... may be the curse of smartphones and social media.. anyway that's a subject I'd like to write about in a different post altogether - "memory failure". I've been thinking about the blog and updating it for the past month or so... and now finally got to sit down...

Back to 2013...

 We welcomed another baby boy - Karthik Channaraj arrived on May 2nd, 2013. Nikhil has been a real champ and an awesome big brother. I was quite worried how he'd deal with the new comer, given that he used to give us vague answers like "I want a big blue jeep" or "I want a black puppy" when we asked him whether he wanted a baby brother or a baby sister...  but he adapted so well. He loves his little brother which makes me love him even more. My parents were around during delivery/post-delivery which was wonderful.. and I didnt have to deal with Post Partum Depression this time at all, thanks solely to Nikhil. I feel like time has doubled its pace after Karthik's arrival. Days, weeks, months and now we even celebrated his first birthday! Seriously, whats with the rush, time? 

 Sometime before Karthik was due Vicky was given an opportunity to move to Thailand. We went back and forth and given my not-so-happy-about-India phase, I was all for the move. It took a while to fall in place. Vicky kept travelling for two to three weeks at a time while we stayed back in Gurgaon. In October 2013, we had a Kerala trip due for Karthik's annaprashan. It was decided then that I would move to Kerala with the kids while Vicky shifted base to Phuket. Given his travel schedule and the volatility of the project I welcomed the decision to stay with my parents. TLC time :) 

All of us chilled out in Thrissur until March, 2014 when finally visas paperwork all got done and we moved to Phuket. Truth be told I was looking forward to moving and having my own place and set up. 

Its been close to two months here in Phuket now and I can't complain. Its a lovely lovely place. Kids love the new house. Nikhil has adjusted well in his new school. Karthik really has no say :) And I am finally feeling happy. Cribbing less. Which is HUGE, given my constant frowny face while I was in Gurgaon. For now, Life is Good!

Staying Positive

One of my new year resolutions for this year was to be positive, my previous was post was far from that. How can I be positive if I am not willing to acknowledge all the positives that are around me.  I have decided to put some points together, so that next time I need a little perspective I can refer to these. 

The Maid : I am giving less credit to the domestic help. It actually helps that I have someone to do ALL the chores around the house, not just the sweeping, mopping. Laundry, folding clothes, cleaning the kitchen, the fridge, etc. She is there to cook, take care of Nikhil, entertain him, play with him, take him out to the park... It made my life so much easier when I was on bed rest for three months. I don't know how I would've gone through that without that support at home.

The Driver : Makes our lives so much easier, Vicky hates to drive and I don't want to drive in India because all I would be doing is swearing and showing my fingers to every one on the road. More than anything its the fact that in the past two years we have never had to drive around looking for a parking spot. He carries all the heavy load back home after grocery shopping. He also doubles up as Nikhil's baby sitter, for example, I am going to the bank and its going to take me fifteen minutes and I don't want to tag Nikhil around... my driver would happily baby sit him. 

The Parents : Okay, so in my last post I complained how I am living so far away from family. What I didnt acknowledge was the fact that its still easier for in laws or parents to travel and reach Delhi. Four hours is always better than eighteen long hours and the jet lag. There's not been an occasion when I have needed my parents or in laws and they have not been able to make it. I should be thankful for that. Agreed its not as comfortable as having them living somewhere with in an hours drive...  

The Extended Family : We have an uncle of mine living in Delhi and a cousin of mine living five minutes away. It feels wonderful to hang out with them. We have spent all major festivals at my uncles place and the gathering and celebrations are always so much fun. Festivals, birthdays, dinners, just chilling at home, its all cool. When Vicky sometimes have to travel, I crash in at one of their places. My uncle has two lovely boys and Nikhil has a ball playing with them. My cousin has a dog and Nikhil is so attached to that fellow. Honestly, there's really no feeling of loneliness. 

The Neighbors : I guess I am lucky that I have made wonderful friends with the neighbors here. There are many families with kids in the similar age group. Again,  I thank my stars that I have very very helpful neighbors. They always watch out for you. When our next door neighbor has not seen me on the balcony or outside for couple of days I can expect her at my door or a call from her to make sure everything is all right. There's someone to check on me.

The Community : Our community has couple of grocery stores, a pharmacy, a tailor (who also does drycleaning), and a beauty parlour (very shady but good enough for quick threading), there are two general physicians in case of emergencies...   
   
Last but the most important point, Nikhil loves it here... I cannot just emphasize the word love enough. He is exposed to a plethora of people from all walks of life. He loves it when the door bell rings. He loves to guess who it would be, the dhobi , the trash guy, the milk fellow, the delivery boy from the grocery store, the maid, the gardner...  During summers he loves standing on the balcony and just observing the road - the trucks, the diggers, cars, autos, cycles, motor bikes...or just kids playing the park. He loves it when he spends time with his grandparents, his cousins, so far we have attended so many weddings and many more family functions.. he loves all the attention that he gets.  He is always surrounded by people - family or friends or even others.

Every place has its own benefits and disadvantages. It's high time I focused on the good things and stopped dwelling on the negatives.   

Breaking the silence

It wasn't a blogger's block, it wasn't that I had nothing to write about. In fact it was just the opposite there were way too many things going on that I couldn't begin to get any coherent thoughts on what to write. If I had written anything down between March 2011 and now it would've just been rants. I thought its better not to do that to my blog and the handful of readers (you know who you are) that keep checking for my updates. I have given myself enough time and I think I should put down what has happened over the past couple of years.

In my last post, I was looking forward to begin our life in Gurgaon. Its an understatement to describe the settling down process as painful. I found it so difficult to set up a household in India, so the initial stages of moving to a new city was extremely frustrating. Its my country and I felt that I should be knowing how to deal with the system, but apparently not, mainly because there is no system. The one thing that happened relatively quick was we found a decent apartment community to stay - so far that's the only positive that I can list about Gurgaon. Then it was shopping for all household appliances, furniture, car, etc. One thing I learned is that nothing was done in the first go. Let me give you an example:

1. You have a leaky pipe,
2. You call a plumber.
3. He'll just come by at first to check and assess the problem.
4. Then he goes to get some tools to investigate further
5. Then he comes by with the tools, invariably the most necessary tool is not with him, then goes to get that, after investigates the problem he tells you that you need to buy some parts and volunteers very nicely to get it for you.
6. Then he comes and fixes it.
7. A month later you have a leaky pipe again.

This is not as easy as a seven step process... there's the wait. Every person says he will be at your door in half an hour but its actually 24 to 48 hours after incessant calling and following up. Also, I fail to understand why the plumber cannot bring all his tools in the first go? I mean that's cutting down two steps and saving both him and me a lot of time. People derive pleasure in delaying work.

The other biggest myth is the "household help" that you get in India. You need help because you cannot live without it. If you leave your house without sweeping or mopping for one day the furntiure would collect dust, the floors get sticky and dirty, the house would start looking haunted. So household help is not a luxury but a necessity. Now, managing the help is a completely different ball game.

Basically, I feel that respect for work is lacking big time. People are always trying to do something else or make more money through other means that they focused less on the job at hand. No one gives even 80% dedication to what they do.

Another major draw back that I am facing living in Gurgaon is that we are so far away from family. One of the main reasons we moved to India was to be closer to family, but now I find that to get my parents or in-laws to come here is such an exhaustive task. Its expensive, its a long journey and we always think twice before having to go "all the way" to the south.

Overall, I have been very very pissed off for the past few years. I was the one who was gung-ho about moving to India, I had very high expectations... now I regret it terribly. Sometimes I wonder if it is a severe case of grass is greener on the other side or may be I just am focusing on the negatives a lot. What ever it may be I haven't been feeling happy and settled! 

Putting an end to uncertainty

This journey started about four years ago, when V decided he was ready to do his MBA. He applied to different schools and each time he got shortlisted for interviews, my hopes would be raised.. In 2007, I thought we would go to Chicago - and my hopes were "dinged", then I thought we'd move to Philly - and again I was "dinged". '08/'09 V did couple more apps (and I thought we might move to North Carolina or Paris) that got dinged again! While this cycle of applications and dings were going on... a sense of uncertainty began creeping in. And that feeling is so not a nice one to live with. We were running out of time on our visas and we had to go somewhere... plus we had a baby on the way. The lack of clarity in our lives was bothering me a lot. Our sentences would begin with "If", "When"... or "Depends..."

When we found out that V's application to ISB has been accepted, I felt relieved... for I felt that living in ISB would be a good way to transition our way back to India..

Last year on 2nd April we "moved back" to India and coincidentally this year V's graduation falls on the 2nd of April. We are once again moving out from what has been our home for the past one year to a new place, a new home! I am completely looking forward to starting from scratch... setting up a place, tastefully decorating it... from buying curtains to car... I am so totally looking forward each and every bit of it.

This last one year, though frustrating many a time, has been wonderful and rewarding. I have never had so much peace of mind.

Rants

Being aggressive is really not my cup of tea.. I can't bargain to save my life... I give in too easily... I hate to have confrontational conversations with anyone, be it the waiter and the restaurant or my close friends... I think its okay to adjust... All these personal traits of mine are coming to bite me in my butt now... because to live well in India and not to be taken for a ride, one has to be aggressive... every where!

The other day I was in the department store waiting to pay for my things, I was standing behind the yellow line, which says "wait here" and two early twenty somethings come right in front of me... they dont even bother to check with me who is standing there, with a bag full of things...! What I have noticed is that if there's even a tiny inch of place between one customer and the next, the others think that its okay to squeeze in between. So I had to remind them to get in line and they had the audacity to give me a dirty look and say "why were you standing so far away?" and i gave them a mouthful.. saying that I didnt want to breathe down the other persons neck while he was paying his bill. The entire experience of shopping was ruined because of this.

Then there are restaurants, where you pay a fortune for the food, and you get clumsy service. One evening we opted for outdoor seating at one of these new pricey resataurants here... we got our beers and a fly dived in to our pitcher, which still had a decent amount of beer. So we called the waiter... and asked him to take it back and give us a refill... and that guy had to push back... and say i will have to ask the manager... i mean, really? so my friend had to give him an earful! There goes our nice evening down the drain.

Everyone is in a hurry... the other day at the airport... our cab driver just pulled the vehicle curbside and and we were getting down when the guy behind us started honking without a break... there I was getting down with a baby sleeping on my shoulder and a diaper bag and that fellow has no empathy! I was so damn pissed that I showed him the finger... and it so happened that the guy was a fellow passenger on our flight. I dont understand what he was honking for? We are all getting down and going inside, did he want my cab driver to move one centimeter forward so that he could be that much closer to the entrance? Give me a break!


There are many many more such instances... I agree India has changed, just being modern, wearing jeans and talking english is not enough. We seriously need a mentality shift.

Sloppy Jane

Sloppy Jane is nickname that I coined for myself. I don't consider myself sloppily dressed or anything.. but I am not the one to be wearing make up through out the day. No I don't even bother with lip gloss or lip stick too, unless an occasion calls for it. I mean, if I were going for a party, yes I will do my best to look good; meaning make up, lip stick, painstakingly blow dried hair, etc. On the other hand if I were headed grocery shopping, I will not hesitate to walk out in my tracks (of course I will not be seen 20 ft away from my house in my pajamas or night clothes) and flip flops with my hair tied up. I dont think that is sloppy! And my face is a totally different story... I like to joke that my face is like a flower.. its all fresh and blossoming when I get out of the house... In two hours time, its like a microwaved flower... No amount of make up can cure that!

Then there are times that I just want to lounge in misfit clothes.. and just let the guard down...

What really bewilders me is that there are girls who manage to look amazing through out the day. Whether they are seen at a rocking party or sweating it out in the gym (oh and these girls dont sweat!)... they look absolutely stunning. Their nails are always painted, they have beautiful feet, their face always look fresh, they never have a bad hair day... and they are always dressed in best of clothes... like to the gym.. they wear the kind of t-shirt that I would wear for grocery shopping. I dont think these chicks would sleep in the t-shirt that I wear to bed! I'd like to know how they pull that off? Can someone tell me?

A very very good friend of mine is one such person. She would get out of a long haul flight looking fresh as a daisy. She would return from work just like how she went in. In spite of a long subway ride to and fro and the 10 hours spent at work! That would just kill me! When I go to work, I look like one person and when I get out I swear my colleagues wouldn't even recognize me... All I do is drive in to work and sit there... I have tried washing my face reapplying make up (which is sooo not me) post lunch in an effort to look good... but no, that doesnt do anything!

So this year, I have decided that I am going to make a sincere effort to try and be the "pretty one" instead of sloppy jane. I am wearing good clothes ALL the time, which means a lot more shopping... which means this exercise is not going to last for more than two months... then there's the pedicure and manicure for pretty feet and hands and painted nails... facials on time, threadings on time... looks like V has to land up in a job that pays really well!