Just a thought

I am tired of reading about moms. Social media has been flooding with various points of views - Why stay at home moms are super moms, why working moms are super moms, a letter from a stay at home mom to the working mom saying she is super duper, a letter from the working mom who gives the stay at home mom a standing ovation. There was even a letter from a stay at home dad. Then one which was about the mom in the park with an iPhone. And the latest that has been shared over and over again is a question something along the lines of a man trying to convince his wife to be a stay at home mom and a great response to that question. There! This is the reason I am tired. I am tired of all this debate. Trying to read why one is better than the other, why both have its own challenges, why people shouldn't judge either and its the families decision, etc. 

Being a mom is tough. Whether you are working, whether you are staying at home, it doesn't matter. Motherhood is a challenging role. Working or not working doesn't make you a better mom. You decide what kind of mom you are.

Growing up my mom was a stay at home mom. Looking back, I realize that I loved that she was a stay at home mom. I loved the fact that she was there when I got back from school. I loved how I used to sit on the kitchen counter top discussing my school day while she prepared my evening snack. On the other hand, my neighbor was a working mom and they had a system for their household. We both grew up to be fine individuals. Here's the thing - I loved my mom being stay at home mom, because she loved being a stay at home mom. She felt what she was doing was right, it was her decision. It felt right to her and she did that. 

Anyway, I am not going to discuss whats better or what works. I want to understand why are we focusing so much on motherhood? Why all the pressure on moms?  Its like living in constant fear of being judged. From food you feed them to toys they play with everyone has an opinion and a judgement to go along with that. Whether our mothers worked or not, whether they gave us enough attention or suffocated us with too much attention, whether they sometimes lost their cool or may be even gave us a tight one here and there....I dont think they had to deal with so much pressure... they had their share of day to day pressures but not the added pressure of the society - Are you spending enough time with your child, are you giving them too much attention. Those days there was a positive spin on everything. Mom giving too much attention, people would say "she loves her kids" Mom having a little distant approach meant automatically "her kids will become so independent". These days its like the society is waiting to point fingers and say what you are doing wrong. 

We are all mothers first, whether we choose to stay at home or whether we choose to work. From one mom to another, we all rock! We are super women! When you've had a rough day and want to just chill, go ahead and switch on the TV and let your kid watch that goddamn cartoon. Chill out! At the end of the day if you are happy with yourself, you will be a better mom to your child. 

Phuket Diary - Sabai Sabai

Seven long years ago, we vacationed in Barbados; that was by far one of the BEST vacations of my life. The time we spent with our friends, all the laughter, so many fond memories... I dont know if it was the Island air or the "no problem" attitude of people or all the rum punch I had  .. but I just fell in love with the place. I wondered then how it would be to live in a place that people vacationed.. now seven years later here I am.. in Phuket! (I strongly believe that God was sick of hearing my complaints about Gurgaon that he sent us here to shut me up)

Come to think of it, given the cribber (if that is a word) I am, I should be complaining about the little or lack of help I have here, I should be ranting about Vs work hours, I should be frustrated that I dont know the language and how difficult it is to communicate and get your point across... I mean I could just find something in a second to piss me off... ( I sound so nasty)... but, BUT... what can I say, I love it here! The place, people, food... Its a very relaxing feeling.

No wonder Thailand is called Land of Smiles, people are always smiling... and it kind of rubs off on you I guess.. Always, like always they have a smile (at least most of them, exceptions always exist anywhere and I can live with that). So it doesnt bother me much that I am always using sign language and my sentences sound very practical... "You no come tomorrow" "I no want" "this... what?"... (all the while signing with my hands)

The help I have here is a nanny, shes with us for four hours on weekdays. Those four hours that I deposit K(arthik) in her hands is a huge help for me. I don't mind sweeping, mopping, making bed, cooking, cleaning loos... In fact I like the fact that the chores are done in my order, to my liking.. (yeah yeah call me a control freak)... if something is not done around the house, its because I chose not to (or I didn't get to it)...

Lastly, I know that if I have a bad day all I need is a drive to the pier... or one of the many small non touristy and lonely beaches, where its just you and water and the view, to lift your mood instantly... (affordable wine also is a big help... just saying)

So, its been very "sabai sabai" like the Thais say (All good, chilled out, awesome state of mind)

Trying to pick up the slack

Way too many things have happened last year....and I have realized that these days my memory is certainly not on my side... may be the curse of smartphones and social media.. anyway that's a subject I'd like to write about in a different post altogether - "memory failure". I've been thinking about the blog and updating it for the past month or so... and now finally got to sit down...

Back to 2013...

 We welcomed another baby boy - Karthik Channaraj arrived on May 2nd, 2013. Nikhil has been a real champ and an awesome big brother. I was quite worried how he'd deal with the new comer, given that he used to give us vague answers like "I want a big blue jeep" or "I want a black puppy" when we asked him whether he wanted a baby brother or a baby sister...  but he adapted so well. He loves his little brother which makes me love him even more. My parents were around during delivery/post-delivery which was wonderful.. and I didnt have to deal with Post Partum Depression this time at all, thanks solely to Nikhil. I feel like time has doubled its pace after Karthik's arrival. Days, weeks, months and now we even celebrated his first birthday! Seriously, whats with the rush, time? 

 Sometime before Karthik was due Vicky was given an opportunity to move to Thailand. We went back and forth and given my not-so-happy-about-India phase, I was all for the move. It took a while to fall in place. Vicky kept travelling for two to three weeks at a time while we stayed back in Gurgaon. In October 2013, we had a Kerala trip due for Karthik's annaprashan. It was decided then that I would move to Kerala with the kids while Vicky shifted base to Phuket. Given his travel schedule and the volatility of the project I welcomed the decision to stay with my parents. TLC time :) 

All of us chilled out in Thrissur until March, 2014 when finally visas paperwork all got done and we moved to Phuket. Truth be told I was looking forward to moving and having my own place and set up. 

Its been close to two months here in Phuket now and I can't complain. Its a lovely lovely place. Kids love the new house. Nikhil has adjusted well in his new school. Karthik really has no say :) And I am finally feeling happy. Cribbing less. Which is HUGE, given my constant frowny face while I was in Gurgaon. For now, Life is Good!