Showing posts with label what can i do?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label what can i do?. Show all posts

11 January 2013

Breaking the silence

It wasn't a blogger's block, it wasn't that I had nothing to write about. In fact it was just the opposite there were way too many things going on that I couldn't begin to get any coherent thoughts on what to write. If I had written anything down between March 2011 and now it would've just been rants. I thought its better not to do that to my blog and the handful of readers (you know who you are) that keep checking for my updates. I have given myself enough time and I think I should put down what has happened over the past couple of years.

In my last post, I was looking forward to begin our life in Gurgaon. Its an understatement to describe the settling down process as painful. I found it so difficult to set up a household in India, so the initial stages of moving to a new city was extremely frustrating. Its my country and I felt that I should be knowing how to deal with the system, but apparently not, mainly because there is no system. The one thing that happened relatively quick was we found a decent apartment community to stay - so far that's the only positive that I can list about Gurgaon. Then it was shopping for all household appliances, furniture, car, etc. One thing I learned is that nothing was done in the first go. Let me give you an example:

1. You have a leaky pipe,
2. You call a plumber.
3. He'll just come by at first to check and assess the problem.
4. Then he goes to get some tools to investigate further
5. Then he comes by with the tools, invariably the most necessary tool is not with him, then goes to get that, after investigates the problem he tells you that you need to buy some parts and volunteers very nicely to get it for you.
6. Then he comes and fixes it.
7. A month later you have a leaky pipe again.

This is not as easy as a seven step process... there's the wait. Every person says he will be at your door in half an hour but its actually 24 to 48 hours after incessant calling and following up. Also, I fail to understand why the plumber cannot bring all his tools in the first go? I mean that's cutting down two steps and saving both him and me a lot of time. People derive pleasure in delaying work.

The other biggest myth is the "household help" that you get in India. You need help because you cannot live without it. If you leave your house without sweeping or mopping for one day the furntiure would collect dust, the floors get sticky and dirty, the house would start looking haunted. So household help is not a luxury but a necessity. Now, managing the help is a completely different ball game.

Basically, I feel that respect for work is lacking big time. People are always trying to do something else or make more money through other means that they focused less on the job at hand. No one gives even 80% dedication to what they do.

Another major draw back that I am facing living in Gurgaon is that we are so far away from family. One of the main reasons we moved to India was to be closer to family, but now I find that to get my parents or in-laws to come here is such an exhaustive task. Its expensive, its a long journey and we always think twice before having to go "all the way" to the south.

Overall, I have been very very pissed off for the past few years. I was the one who was gung-ho about moving to India, I had very high expectations... now I regret it terribly. Sometimes I wonder if it is a severe case of grass is greener on the other side or may be I just am focusing on the negatives a lot. What ever it may be I haven't been feeling happy and settled! 

25 February 2010

In-law trouble of a different kind

Okay, I don't know if I should be writing about this.... but at this moment, its bothering the crap out of me. I am risking it and writing about it anyway. What is a blog for if I can't write what I feel like ?!

For the last 6 years that I've been married to V, the last thing I had to worry about was if he'd get along with my family. The time he spent with my parents were always nice and we always had a wonderful time. I don't know what went wrong and how it went wrong... but now that my mom is here, suddenly things have changed. We are having big time personality/communication issues... Suddenly my mom's good son-in-law has turned out to be the villain. V's critical reasoning, sarcasm and jokes are totally not working on my mom. She gets offended by a lot of things V says. His off-handed remarks are causing her a lot of pain! Its not her fault, some times V's style can come across as very arrogant....

I can understand where both of them are coming from, but there's really nothing I can do. If I try to reason with my mom she feels I am trying to support V... and there's only so much V can change, however he said he will change his ways.

Things could've been worse, but I hate to see that my mom feels this way... I hate conflicts & misunderstandings.