What can you say?!

Conversation at home

Me (for the 1000th time) : "guys! It's time to go to bed"
Kids: "........." (no sound)
Me: "GUYS"
N: " can we lie down and read a book?"
Me: "okay" (whatever just be in bed)
N: "kaaarthik, come! Mumma said we can read"
K: "ok"
Me: sigh of relief
K: (popping his head out of the room) "is it morning in America?"
Me: (irritated) "yes!"
K : (gleefully) "so we don't have to sleep, it's morning!"

I guess if Alan Jackson and jimmy buffet could drink because it was five O'clock somewhere... k got the meaning of "it's morning somewhere"

Breaking the silence

It wasn't a blogger's block, it wasn't that I had nothing to write about. In fact it was just the opposite there were way too many things going on that I couldn't begin to get any coherent thoughts on what to write. If I had written anything down between March 2011 and now it would've just been rants. I thought its better not to do that to my blog and the handful of readers (you know who you are) that keep checking for my updates. I have given myself enough time and I think I should put down what has happened over the past couple of years.

In my last post, I was looking forward to begin our life in Gurgaon. Its an understatement to describe the settling down process as painful. I found it so difficult to set up a household in India, so the initial stages of moving to a new city was extremely frustrating. Its my country and I felt that I should be knowing how to deal with the system, but apparently not, mainly because there is no system. The one thing that happened relatively quick was we found a decent apartment community to stay - so far that's the only positive that I can list about Gurgaon. Then it was shopping for all household appliances, furniture, car, etc. One thing I learned is that nothing was done in the first go. Let me give you an example:

1. You have a leaky pipe,
2. You call a plumber.
3. He'll just come by at first to check and assess the problem.
4. Then he goes to get some tools to investigate further
5. Then he comes by with the tools, invariably the most necessary tool is not with him, then goes to get that, after investigates the problem he tells you that you need to buy some parts and volunteers very nicely to get it for you.
6. Then he comes and fixes it.
7. A month later you have a leaky pipe again.

This is not as easy as a seven step process... there's the wait. Every person says he will be at your door in half an hour but its actually 24 to 48 hours after incessant calling and following up. Also, I fail to understand why the plumber cannot bring all his tools in the first go? I mean that's cutting down two steps and saving both him and me a lot of time. People derive pleasure in delaying work.

The other biggest myth is the "household help" that you get in India. You need help because you cannot live without it. If you leave your house without sweeping or mopping for one day the furntiure would collect dust, the floors get sticky and dirty, the house would start looking haunted. So household help is not a luxury but a necessity. Now, managing the help is a completely different ball game.

Basically, I feel that respect for work is lacking big time. People are always trying to do something else or make more money through other means that they focused less on the job at hand. No one gives even 80% dedication to what they do.

Another major draw back that I am facing living in Gurgaon is that we are so far away from family. One of the main reasons we moved to India was to be closer to family, but now I find that to get my parents or in-laws to come here is such an exhaustive task. Its expensive, its a long journey and we always think twice before having to go "all the way" to the south.

Overall, I have been very very pissed off for the past few years. I was the one who was gung-ho about moving to India, I had very high expectations... now I regret it terribly. Sometimes I wonder if it is a severe case of grass is greener on the other side or may be I just am focusing on the negatives a lot. What ever it may be I haven't been feeling happy and settled! 

Some say this and some say that

After hearing politically correct and diplomatic statements for a while now, its very difficult to accept certain 'honest' blatant remarks that I have to hear here.

While browsing, just browsing, not even trying to take the piece to the trial room.. a guy in the clothes department looks at the kurta I am checking out and says.. "that won't fit you maa'm". Uh?! What?! OK.. what did you just say? I know that I can find size L in the bottom of the pile... urgh! what nerve you son of a ... ! I wanted to say all that but I woman-ed up and said very sweetly "oh ofcourse I know, I am checking this out for my sister!"

How many ever times I have gone through it, something that always makes me uncomfortable is... shopping for undergarments, especially bras... the guy (i always land up with a dude to help me out), I would just have to say " Bra.." and he would know exactly what size to show!!!! I mean really? and they would even correct you "I think you should go for this... " ARGH! Anyway, I was happy that we have department stores these days and we can just pick it up ourselves... so I walked in to LifeStyle and nonchalantly made my way to the appropriate section.. and there he was... "maa'm can i help you?"

I accept that I have gained a lot of weight post pregnancy / delivery, but come on, you see a seven month old baby in my arms and you have the nerve to ask me... "are you expecting?" how do you keep your cool in such situations... i wanted to say... um no.. are you?

On campus what irritates me the most is when V, Nikhil and I go out for a walk... when V introduces Nikhil and me... people look at V with utter disbelief and say things like "Is that your child?... DUDE... no way, man! you are married? i would never have imagined... you look so young..." Yeah, he will look young, he didnt have to lug around another human being inside him for nine months, get it out, care for the child... ofcourse he will look friggin' young! When something like this happens, I swear I will run an extra mile the next day and stop eating all junk and then get rid of all the extra pounds before I leave ISB... so that I can match up to looking as young as my husband... but then I get home and Nikhil throws one of his tantrums and I go right for the cheese balls!!!

I mean am I over reacting? Should I just let it go? Am I taking it all too personally...

I think this morning's incident with my maid was by far the best...she walks in and sees me immediately says "amma, you have not put earrings? you are looking like a man".. I am just speechless!

In-law trouble of a different kind

Okay, I don't know if I should be writing about this.... but at this moment, its bothering the crap out of me. I am risking it and writing about it anyway. What is a blog for if I can't write what I feel like ?!

For the last 6 years that I've been married to V, the last thing I had to worry about was if he'd get along with my family. The time he spent with my parents were always nice and we always had a wonderful time. I don't know what went wrong and how it went wrong... but now that my mom is here, suddenly things have changed. We are having big time personality/communication issues... Suddenly my mom's good son-in-law has turned out to be the villain. V's critical reasoning, sarcasm and jokes are totally not working on my mom. She gets offended by a lot of things V says. His off-handed remarks are causing her a lot of pain! Its not her fault, some times V's style can come across as very arrogant....

I can understand where both of them are coming from, but there's really nothing I can do. If I try to reason with my mom she feels I am trying to support V... and there's only so much V can change, however he said he will change his ways.

Things could've been worse, but I hate to see that my mom feels this way... I hate conflicts & misunderstandings.

B00by Blues!

I believe that Nursing like abortion should be a Woman's choice! Grandmas, Grandpas, great grandparents, uncles, aunts, why to an extent even the father (he can have some say, but not all) ... have right to believe what they believe but never force their opinion upon the mother. I say, if you can't donate your boob for feeding then stay out of it!

Some people like to believe that birth and all else that follows should happen in a certain way.

Are you breast feeding? If you are not, then they feel you are depriving the child of something so important. Some people want to do it, some people don't want to do it and some like me are open and willing to give it a shot... If I don't get it or the baby won't get it.... just LEAVE it!

"Oh no!!!!!" they exclaim "Dont get him used to the bottle, he will never go back to nursing again".... SO, what????

As far as I am concerned, if the child gets his/her nutrition and continues to develop well, who the hell cares if the baby got food from the boob or the bottle? I don't think my child will complain about the lack of boob time when he is an adult.

What's all the fuss about anyway?

The President of a country decides to address children of his nation on their first day of school and that becomes a big controversy. Why? I don't spot anything negative in his speech. Then why this huge protest? I simply cannot see the point of view of people who are angry with the President for apparently "interfering" with their kids lives!

If I were a student and I heard his speech, I'd have been inspired. I'd try to give school my best shot... instead of being shy, I'd have joined the drama club or participated in some competition to get over my stage fright.

If I were a parent, I would 100% want my children to watch his speech. I feel that my children would only be influenced positively by listening to the President (especially Mr. Obama). And after reading the text of his speech, it only strengthened that belief of mine.

It's a lot different when parents say things like "But at the end of the day, we can have the most dedicated teachers, the most supportive parents, and the best schools in the world – and none of it will matter unless all of you fulfill your responsibilities." and the President says these words to you.

I feel that his words will encourage kids to learn well and may be watch less TV and may be read a book, stay away from video games. If not for the whole year, at least for a few months. Isn't that what parents and teachers who protested want ultimately - For their children to do well and not give up on studying and give their best effort?

They are here!

I’ve been quite lucky and spent may be 15 days in all with in-laws in the past five years. Now they are here visiting us… for 3… Yes, THREE months. Honestly, I don’t have a really bad set of in-laws but honestly (again) I feel that in about three months time things might change. So I must warn everyone (the three or four of you) who read this blog that you are in for some wild ranting and venting.

Anyway, the days leading up to their visit I kept repeating the “have an open mind” mantra several times. But no matter what I did there was this annoying feeling in the back of my mind… giving me nightmares about how I’ll turn out to be the most unqualified partner for their precious son. This, after being married for five years! I do have some serious self-esteem issues, don’t I? Finally, I decided I am not going to sweat it, tough luck if they feel I am not worthy, because I’m their daughter-in-law and they are pretty much stuck with what they have. So instead of deciding to put up an act of being a perfect marumagal (daughter-in-law) I decided to be myself (em…may be a little better version of the real me).

It was the day they were arriving and I was not freaking out… okay, may be a little… but overall I was doing pretty well. I checked everything, bed was made, the pooja space was clean and nice, the house was pretty clean, had made some decent food, and the ‘maavu’ (batter for idly and dosa) was set as well, overall things were looking pretty good. They reached home and everything went quite smooth. When someone expressed his discontent on seeing store bought containers of yogurt I happily ignored that. I tried not to take it personally… so far so good.

Yesterday morning, I was completely devastated when I saw limp idlies as the end product of the batter I made! Every time, Every Single Time I’ve tried too hard to impress, I fall right on my face! Lesson learned. We shall henceforth use store bought dosa/idly batter as well.

Today when I walked down, I was surprised to see one fourth of the contents of my kitchen cabinets lying on the floor. Apparently my kitchen was going through some cleansing action. Agreed, my cabinets did have some old stuff that I didn’t throw away… I tried not to feel bad… it’s not a big deal, I said to myself… Look at the positive side, she is trying to help me out and that’s fantastic… It’s such a good thing and I should consider myself a lucky gal!

Then why is it that I am just not able to feel totally good about the kitchen-cleanse? Why am I kicking myself for concluding that I should be like my usual self? Why do I feel that I should’ve gone through everything, made a check list and then cleaned shelves like a maniac and that I should’ve found a container to store the channa dal and not have left it lying in the packet! Why can’t I stop thinking about how everyone in the family will now know about the sad state of my kitchen, the pathetic batter that I make… These are two things in just two days and I have 87 more days to go, so imagine how many more such situations I’ll get myself into… Why, why do I feel this need to impress? Why do I want to be so perfect? Most importantly, why do I stress so much only for in-laws?

All right, now I leave… I think my cloth closet needs some cleansing.