Around the west in 11 days

11 days, 7 hotels and 6 places… I am back after a wonderful trip! Highlights of our travel were - Amazing landscapes, quaint little towns, the most scenic coast (that I have seen) and wonderfully weird artificial world in the middle of a desert.

Who ever called Las Vegas The Disney World for Adults was absolutely right. This city wakes up after the sun goes down. I always had this preconceived notion about Vegas that it was all about gambling, drinking and partying… and that people who didn’t find any of those activities interesting would be thoroughly bored to death… We didn’t get to do any of the above-mentioned activities (at least not to the extent that I would’ve liked to) during our trip but we still enjoyed every bit of it. I have learned that Las Vegas is not just about wild parties... it has something to offer for every one. Great restaurants, some of the world’s best chefs, amazing shows, beautiful buildings…you could spend days walking around without sipping on an alcoholic beverage or sitting down on a roulette table and still have a wonderful time. I think that V’s parents thoroughly enjoyed the experience. They were amazed at the vibrant nightlife, the casinos, the neon and the whole concept of extravagance that Vegas had to offer. Of course, I don’t expect them to want to go back to Vegas or put this on top of their favorite places in the US, but I am pretty certain they’d always be in awe of the energy this city had.

From the exhausting 90 F heat in Vegas we drove to upper 30 F and an almost freezing little town of Tusayan, just outside the Grand Canyon National Park’s South Rim. The next morning we bundled up and went to the Canyon to see the sunrise. It’s truly an amazing experience to see the colors of the Grand Canyon come alive with the rays of the sun. What can I say about the Canyon itself? I don’t know… words won’t do justice. It’s beautiful, but in a very different way! For me… it was humbling. It reminded me that no matter what we do, how much power we humans think we have; Nature is capable of something that’s completely beyond our comprehension!

There is a lodge called El Tovar right beside the Canyon. This old building has such a charm to it that if I ever visit the Canyon again, I’d make sure I would book my stay there. It has amazing views of the Canyon, a wonderful restaurant and most importantly it has a wonderful lodge-y feel to it!

Hip, Artsy, Modern, Charming and Gorgeous city of San Francisco was our next destination. We were blessed with beautiful weather, a little chilly but sunny and nice. V’s cousin who lives in the Bay area was our tour guide. Cable car ride to Fisherman’s wharf was the first item on the agenda. A stop at Boudin Bakery, a bowl of clam chowder (for sea food lovers in the family) in San Francisco Sourdough was next. Post lunch saw us on a ferry ride to a little town on the other side of the bridge; we cruised past the Alcatraz and Golden Gate Bridge in to the quaint and charming Sausalito (Thanks Priyanka for the recommendation). After spending a few hours walking in Sausalito we got back to SFO. We stopped at the Union Square; a local band was playing some foot tapping Cuban music. After their performance we called it a day! I’d definitely love to go back to SFO and spend more time there and check out the ethnic neighborhoods and do more of the non-tourist-y stuff… but for now I am glad I got the SFO experience.

Driving down route CA 1 has been the most wonderful experience for me! The beautiful blue Pacific Ocean stretching as far as the eye could see on one side, vegetables and fruit farms overlooking the ocean on the other side… this has to be the most scenic drive I have ever been on. We stopped at an organic Strawberry farm for a quick berry fix… later my fil being a farmer was thrilled to see all the pumpkin farms… so we made a pit stop at one of the pumpkin farms too. We spent the night at Monterey. We continued our journey to Carmel by the sea… stopping to see some beautiful golf courses and vista points… before we got on the real highway and drove to a relative’s place in Sacramento.

This is what Mark Twain had to say about our last destination - “At last the lake burst upon us--a noble sheet of blue water lifted six thousand three hundred feet above the level of the sea, and walled in by a rim of snow-clad mountain peaks that towered aloft three thousand feet higher still! As it lay there with the shadows of the mountains brilliantly photographed upon its still surface, I thought it must surely be the fairest picture the whole world affords." - He wrote these words about Lake Tahoe.
The lake is definitely the “jewel of the Sierras”. We got lucky and experienced an early snowfall, much to the thrill of my in-laws. This was the first time they saw snow… As for me I was thrilled because we got to see the breathtakingly tranquil lake gracefully nestled between snow-capped mountains. That was picture perfect! The downside of the snow was that it got very foggy near the lake and we didn’t get to enjoy the views from Emerald Bay… but I am not complaining at all!
Between Grand Canyon and Lake Tahoe, I was having a tough time deciding which would qualify as my favorite spot. In the end, I picked Lake Tahoe. As amazing, beautiful and mighty as it may be, for some reason, the Canyon had quite an unsettling effect on me. On the other hand, what wouldn’t I do to own a little log cabin facing the lake, perched on a hill surrounded by tall alpine forests… A cup of hot chocolate in one hand and a book in the other… my perfect vacation! Some day!

Life with...

... In-laws has been going quite well *knock on wood*. I don’t want to say anything nice and jinx the way everything is going. I am pretty good at self-jinxing.

After having completed four weeks, I’d like to have said that I have learned to adjust, ignore and enjoy the company… but it’s staying at work really late that has helped me tremendously in the last one month.

Fortunately, the month of September is going by relatively quickly, as we planned few weekend trips. We kick started our series of trips with a visit to Florida. A day at Clearwater beach, couple of days at Walt Disney World and to conclude the trip, we took a river cruise at Fort Lauderdale, ogling at mansions of rich and famous.

Last weekend, the dutiful son took his parents to the Big Apple, followed by a pilgrimage to Niagara Falls. I stayed back and had some “No Thangamani, Enjoy!**” time with a friend of mine. It was so much fun to finally have the house to myself and have some down time.

This Thursday we are off on an 11-day trip to the west. Plans include gambling in Vegas, seeing the Grand Canyon and spending some time in California.

After that, my countdown will drastically reduce to 6 weeks…! Given that there’s just three days before we start, is it wrong to think, “It’s just another 6 weeks before I can have my life back?”

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“No Thangamani, Enjoy!**” - For the non-tamil speaking folks, this is a famous colloquy from a Tamil movie called Agni Nakshatram… The scene portrays a man rejoicing after his wife leaves him. At first he is quite dejected, but then he realizes that it can be such a bliss living without his wife. After I dropped the three of them at the airport last Thursday, I swear I said, “en maamiyar maamanar ooru vittu poyittango…yeehhahahahaha No thangamani, yennnjaaaiiii!”… (my mil and fil have left the town)

What's all the fuss about anyway?

The President of a country decides to address children of his nation on their first day of school and that becomes a big controversy. Why? I don't spot anything negative in his speech. Then why this huge protest? I simply cannot see the point of view of people who are angry with the President for apparently "interfering" with their kids lives!

If I were a student and I heard his speech, I'd have been inspired. I'd try to give school my best shot... instead of being shy, I'd have joined the drama club or participated in some competition to get over my stage fright.

If I were a parent, I would 100% want my children to watch his speech. I feel that my children would only be influenced positively by listening to the President (especially Mr. Obama). And after reading the text of his speech, it only strengthened that belief of mine.

It's a lot different when parents say things like "But at the end of the day, we can have the most dedicated teachers, the most supportive parents, and the best schools in the world – and none of it will matter unless all of you fulfill your responsibilities." and the President says these words to you.

I feel that his words will encourage kids to learn well and may be watch less TV and may be read a book, stay away from video games. If not for the whole year, at least for a few months. Isn't that what parents and teachers who protested want ultimately - For their children to do well and not give up on studying and give their best effort?

My favorite festival

Onam, one of my favorite festivals just went by and this time I am guilty of doing nothing special. Vishu and Onam are the two most important festivals for malayalees. Yep, not Vinayaka Chaturti, Navratri, not even Diwali... in Kerala, Vishu and Onam take precedence over any other festival. I am especially fond of Onam because the festivities last for 10 days. Having lived in Kerala until I was about 9 years old, I was lucky that I got to spend quite a few Onams with extended family. I get so nostalgic when I think of all the Onam holidays that I've spent with my cousins at our family home. Usually the quarterly holidays at school coincided with the 10 days of Onam. I'd be so distracted during my last exam because all I'd be doing is counting down to when we leave. This habit hasn't changed much even now, if I am going somewhere my mental clock starts ticking a week before - "this time next week"... until it comes to "tomorrow this time... I'll be there".

My Onam holidays would begin with my dad picking me up at school... last day of exam I always got to ride home on my dad's bike. At home, I'd laze around enjoying the feeling that I don't have homework to do... or open my books for the next ten days. Invariably some friend from the neighborhood will knock on our door or I'll be at someone's door... my mom would warn me not to play outside and soil my clothes because "remember you'll be traveling in these clothes" she'd say. After few hours, I'll hear my mom call out my name... once, twice and third time I'd say bye to my friend and run home (On a complete tangent - Now I completely understand why my mom always felt edgy and irritated everytime we were going to my dad's house - She was going to her In-laws!) An auto would be waiting at the gate to drop us and our luggage at the bus stop. All the way to the bus stop I'd keep praying that I get a window seat. Sometimes we experienced the luxury of hiring a car (usually an ivory colored ambassador car) all the way to the village... I used to feel on top of the world if that happened. Anyway, after the bus journey and another auto ride, we'd get off on a dirt road and walk (I'd run) rest of the way to the house. The house is located in between acres of paddy fields. Usually thin strip of mud roads serve as walkways between the fields - people would have to fall in single file to walk comfortably without having to lose balance and falling in to a field. It's a nightmare if you have to maneuver these roads on a bicycle! Most of my cousins and second cousins would be there already and right from the gate I can hear the chatter.

How the next week or so passed by, I'd have no idea. Our mornings would start with picking flowers and making a pookalam (a rangoli equivalent in flowers). After the pookalam work will come a session of hide and seek, followed by running and catching, lock and key.... until some one tells us to stop making noise or one of us fall down and need adult supervision to tend to a cut. Then we'd spend time playing and soaking ourselves in the pond.

Onam is a harvest festival... which meant that the paddy outside was ripe and ready for harvest. Through out the day we'd have workers on the fields bent down with their sickles chopping the ready to be harvested paddy. They work through the morning, break for lunch and then get back to work again. Post lunch, a group us would follow them to the fields... I'd love to go watch them work so effortlessly with their tools. I'd plead with them to let me try... until they give in! Late afternoon, they'd bring in all the chopped long stalks with grains and dump it on the long verandah wrapping the front of the house. There'd be a separate set of people separating grains from the stalks by squishing it between their feet, another process that looked so darn easy.. until you try and fail miserably. Once the grains are out, the stalks are then taken and piled up in the yard to make hay... which will then be used to feed the cows. Our favorite pass time was to climb up this "vaykol" (hay) mountain... and slide down bringing most of it down with us... much to the agony of my poor grandmother. Dusk will see my cousins and I fresh out of shower and a whole bunch of us from the house will walk to a temple which is about a mile and half away... on the way stopping to talk to neighbors, relatives and million other people.

Another fun exercise is molding of Thrikkakarappan (a foot long tapering cubes of mud - they are almost conical in shape). I think tradition calls for having seven, however our house always had three. It was the men of the house who would sit bare chested and start working on the soil, they have to get the mixture of soil and water right to actually make it work. As kids, it used to be so cool to be officially allowed to play with mud and water. Although the real work includes a lot of beating this muddy mixture in to that long tapering shape. On Onam day these thrikkakaprappans will be arranged on a banana leaf surrounded by tulasi leaves with a bright red hibiscus inserted on top of it.

Onam is 10th and last day. Since pookalam is the highlight of the occasion in addition to the flowers we pick, we'll have more flowers from the market. It'll take us about two hours to finish the design (which would have been discussed and finalized the previous night). The older cousins get to guide and give instructions the younger ones have to hang in there and do the labor work. All the women folk will be busy in the kitchen making the 11 essential dishes to accompany the rice and ofcourse the payasam (kheer). The aroma from the kitchen which is a combination of many dishes being cooked at one time will make your mouth water... You'd see some of the men-folk walking by the kitchen volunteering to be payasam tasters... especially my grand father who was a chronic diabetic. He'll sneak it to the kitchen or send me to get him a glass of payasam before lunch was served... that way my grandma wouldn't know. Finally, it will be time for the grand finale - The big OnaSadhya (Sadhya = a grand lunch served on banana leaves). Once that's done... the house suddenly becomes calm. With a severe case of food coma and sugar overdose everyone will gather around in the verandah chewing beetle leaves to help us with digestion... That's when my mental clock would tick again, now it would say " tomorrow this time, i'll be back home".

After we moved to Coimbatore, I never had the luxury of spending the whole 10 days at Kerala ever again. We still managed an occasional trip to Kerala to spend the day before and the day of Onam... or sometimes when Onam fell over a weekend. No matter what, my mom made sure that we did the pookalam and the sadhya every year, wherever we were. I got to bunk school/college/work guilt free on Onam days. Over the years, I got to invite my friends from school/college/work for lunch and my mom would be more than thrilled to host all of them... But nothing beats the charm of being in Kerala and getting to spend a grand onam with a whole bunch of family, running around paddy fields, trying to mold shapeless tortoises and dinosaurs in the name of making thrikkakarappan and sliding down the hay mounds.... aahhh if only one could turn back time!

They are here!

I’ve been quite lucky and spent may be 15 days in all with in-laws in the past five years. Now they are here visiting us… for 3… Yes, THREE months. Honestly, I don’t have a really bad set of in-laws but honestly (again) I feel that in about three months time things might change. So I must warn everyone (the three or four of you) who read this blog that you are in for some wild ranting and venting.

Anyway, the days leading up to their visit I kept repeating the “have an open mind” mantra several times. But no matter what I did there was this annoying feeling in the back of my mind… giving me nightmares about how I’ll turn out to be the most unqualified partner for their precious son. This, after being married for five years! I do have some serious self-esteem issues, don’t I? Finally, I decided I am not going to sweat it, tough luck if they feel I am not worthy, because I’m their daughter-in-law and they are pretty much stuck with what they have. So instead of deciding to put up an act of being a perfect marumagal (daughter-in-law) I decided to be myself (em…may be a little better version of the real me).

It was the day they were arriving and I was not freaking out… okay, may be a little… but overall I was doing pretty well. I checked everything, bed was made, the pooja space was clean and nice, the house was pretty clean, had made some decent food, and the ‘maavu’ (batter for idly and dosa) was set as well, overall things were looking pretty good. They reached home and everything went quite smooth. When someone expressed his discontent on seeing store bought containers of yogurt I happily ignored that. I tried not to take it personally… so far so good.

Yesterday morning, I was completely devastated when I saw limp idlies as the end product of the batter I made! Every time, Every Single Time I’ve tried too hard to impress, I fall right on my face! Lesson learned. We shall henceforth use store bought dosa/idly batter as well.

Today when I walked down, I was surprised to see one fourth of the contents of my kitchen cabinets lying on the floor. Apparently my kitchen was going through some cleansing action. Agreed, my cabinets did have some old stuff that I didn’t throw away… I tried not to feel bad… it’s not a big deal, I said to myself… Look at the positive side, she is trying to help me out and that’s fantastic… It’s such a good thing and I should consider myself a lucky gal!

Then why is it that I am just not able to feel totally good about the kitchen-cleanse? Why am I kicking myself for concluding that I should be like my usual self? Why do I feel that I should’ve gone through everything, made a check list and then cleaned shelves like a maniac and that I should’ve found a container to store the channa dal and not have left it lying in the packet! Why can’t I stop thinking about how everyone in the family will now know about the sad state of my kitchen, the pathetic batter that I make… These are two things in just two days and I have 87 more days to go, so imagine how many more such situations I’ll get myself into… Why, why do I feel this need to impress? Why do I want to be so perfect? Most importantly, why do I stress so much only for in-laws?

All right, now I leave… I think my cloth closet needs some cleansing.

hmmm... Now does that look better?

Yep. I just completed an extreme make over for my blog. New look, New title.... Let's see if this change will make me write more often.

Lot of people complain that they don't like change. I feel I am completely pro change. I love the excitement. The feeling of starting some thing fresh. Looking forward to something new. In fact I get restless if there's a period of no change in my life.

I always look forward to moving to a new place, new house, new country, whatever. I know, it's crazy, who would want to go through the hassle of moving. I like everything except packing and unpacking part of it. I guess that's one of the reasons I never really got excited about buying a house.

I always get bored with my work. I haven't stayed in a job for more than 2.5 years. I've been in my current job for about 2 years and 7 months...

I get bored with hair styles. I have had some crazy hairstyles when I was young. I don't do ridiculous stuff now but I always have to get my hair chopped at regular intervals. It amazes me when I watch some of the makeover shows on TV to see some girls shedding tears when they see scissors touch their locks.

I rearrange my closet time to time.

I rearrange stuff in my kitchen cabinets time to time.

That's enough about me and my love for change. My point being, I was hitting a point with my blog where everything bored me. So there I changed it and whaddyaknow I have two posts in one day. All I can say is change works well on me.

Surviving a long distance relationship

When I was introduced to V years ago, little did I imagine that we’d end up getting married! We met during our under-grad days. We chatted briefly and exchanged pleasantries when we ran in to each other on campus. V used to call me once in a while, and then there was a phase in our last year at college when I found myself suddenly playing the role of an agony aunt. That was when we probably started talking, that too hours together on the phone! It was during these endless sessions of playing a therapist that I came to realize V was such down to earth, genuine guy. Everything changed one day when V gave me the biggest hint that I might be 'more than a friend' to him.

With finals on the anvil, preparing for placements, and deadlines for multiple final year projects, and a million other things that were going on, thinking about a guy would’ve been the last thing I’d have done. But, I found myself spending some sleepless nights; listening to love songs… this was a totally new experience and something that was completely abnormal for me! Pressure was mounting from V as well… he was waiting to hear what I had to say about his ‘proposal’. So I did what I do always, make a pros and cons list. I was not ready to commit to anything serious – as in I didn’t think I was so madly in love, but he was in my thoughts and I liked his company, I liked him… a lot. I did want to spend more time together to get to know him better! But, I was moving to a different city, V had admits from schools in the US and he was serious on getting his masters abroad. How were we going to get to know each other better if we really didn’t spend time together? Anyway, I gave up being uptight for once and decided to go with the flow. There was nothing on my cons list that seemed pressing enough for me to ignore what I was feeling. We had about 20 days before my impending move, however, of the 20 days, I was to go on a trip to Kerala for about 2 weeks and V had a trip planned with his family for about 15 days. After all these trips and family engagements, our precious 20 days came down to FOUR quality days of actually seeing each other.

With those four days etched in my mind, I found myself at Hyderabad and V was some 8000 miles away at Texas. Thus began our long distance relationship, which lasted for four years (ironic, isn’t it?). A year and a half later, I got to see V for precisely 3 days. After that we saw each other during preparations and shopping for our wedding.

So there, I think I have established my credibility to be a long distance expert. I thought I’d share a few pointers on how I survived those 4 years of missing someone so badly. This is purely based only on my (and only my) experience.

1. Trust yourself and your partner. If your BF says they are going for a party with friends, then he is going for a party with friends– no more no less. What would you really gain from knowing how many of his friends are “girls”? Remember curiosity killed the cat? Too much inquisitiveness can kill your relationship. Especially if you are living away and all you can do is imagine all his friends as hot chicks hanging out with your vulnerable boyfriend.

2. Learn not to misuse their trust. Even if you sense a slightest possibility that someone you know seems to be interested in you, let him know that you are seriously not available. Don’t play along and flirt and end up hurting others feelings. I strongly believe in karma.

3. Accept that you cannot be a part of his day-to-day life and he misses you and thinks about you as much as you think about him and miss him.

4. Respect other person’s feelings. Things don’t always sound the way you mean it over the phone or email. Your intentions can be misunderstood. If such a thing happens… be ready to explain and don’t get defensive.

5. Communicate, be open to each other, and learn to listen. Discuss your thoughts and feelings openly.

6. Never pretend you are comfortable with something he is doing if you really are not.

7. No one (including you and your BF) can remain sane by just sitting and thinking and pining for you. It’s unhealthy. They need to have a life. Too many restraints can screw your relationship (goes back to trust).

8. Have a good support system. I cannot even begin to explain how important it is to surround yourself with good friends who understand you and what you are going through. You need reassurance and support more than you think you need it. Have one objective person as a confidant, who you can go to for impartial verdicts.

9. Be reasonable. It’s not always your boyfriend’s fault.

10. Moping around all the time is injurious to you. Learn to look at the brighter side… You are in this relationship because you really like this person. There are lots of things you can do “together”. Like you both could read a book and talk about that book, you could watch a movie (and think you are holding hands with him) and share your thoughts, it shouldn’t always be about mushy “I love you so much” “I miss you so much”. Sending him handwritten letters via snail mail always works like a charm.

11. Don’t bottle up your anger. It’s okay to fight – in other words have a heated discussion about conflicting thoughts or behavior. You can virtually kiss and make up. If you are always angry then it’s a different story.

12. Virtual relationship is definitely painful. No matter how much of a positive spin you put on it, the frustrations of long distance is bound to catch up with you sooner or later. There will be times when you question your decision and feel that the whole thing was such a waste of time. You’d think that you have spent precious moments of your life missing someone and feeling miserable. A person you seem to remember just as 2D images from a photograph. Everything becomes so unreal at that point. You find that reassuring friends are not useful anymore. When you hit that phase, shamelessly compare your fellow with others. Think of other guys you’d rather be spending time and having a fulfilling relationship with, believe me you won’t come up with one appealing person. That’s when you realize that you’d rather hold that photograph close to you and that would put a smile on your face.